Dear Jim, Will you fix it for me?

Hello my loves, it’s been a while since I’ve written these assholes. But I did it in the spirit of the holidays and stuff like that. So this is your Christmas present. Happy Christmas. I love you. 

You might wanna brush up on your casual understanding of Festivus, BTW.

—

Sebastian loved wintertime. He relished the crunch of snow beneath his feet as he walked back toward their house, his breath visible in the cool night, the biting flush on his cheeks. He tucked the bottom half of his face into the tall collar of his coat, and pressed against the wind.

Their house was becoming lived-in. It was becoming home, which wasn’t something Sebastian thought he was going to feel the first few months after they’d abruptly moved. He sucked in a cold breath and held it in his lungs for a few seconds too long, savoring the burn in his chest. The cold made him feel alive. Happy. And when Jim wasn’t next to him to bitch about it, he let himself love it freely.

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Jim sighed as he felt Sebastian’s hands ghost over his back. His back had been killing him all day, a product of a years-old injury and a day of being on his feet in shoes that, while incredibly fashionable, were not all too kind to him. 

Sebastian had settled his knees on either side of Jim’s hips, and Jim let out a bit of a shiver as he felt Sebastian lightly cover his back in lotion with the first few passes of his hands.

Their room was dark with just the glow of the alarm clock illuminating the space, and Jim tried to let his day disappear, tried to focus only on the feel of Sebastian’s hands kneading his back, paying special attention to the vertebrae right between his shoulder blades. The spot would always be a sore one, from when he slipped on a patch of ice in his twenties. He’d landed hard and square on his back. It was the last time he’d been in the hospital. 

Their day had been fine, but they had run a lot of errands, and Jim had at least twice as many emails as he normally did - a tell tale sign of the final few days before the execution of a job. 

But he didn’t let himself get too nervous yet. Sebastian’s large hands rubbed Jim’s neck muscles with the intimacy of familiarity, his movements nearing exact science at this point. Jim felt the almost choreographed routine move slowly down his spine, Sebastian’s thumbs doing the brunt of the work.

Jim took a moment to twist his neck around, to sneak a peek at his lover behind him. Sebastian’s eyes were dark with focus, his mouth in a tight line. His hair fell in his eyes, no longer as neatly gelled as it had been earlier in the evening. Jim loved him like this, when he was completely unaware of the intensity he was giving off - when the intensity Sebastian was giving off was directed at him.

He felt another shiver run down his spine, and Sebastian’s mouth cracked into a smile. He bent his body toward Jim’s and pressed a kiss to the base of his neck. Jim turned his head back into the pillow to hide his own smile. 

Sebastian continued down Jim’s spine, scooting his own body further south to more easily access Jim’s lower back. He’d barely touched Jim’s lumbar area when he let out a low groan. 

 ”You need inserts in your shoes,” Sebastian told him, and though he knew that Sebastian couldn’t see him, he rolled his eyes. He got this lecture nearly nightly. And he was a stubborn man - the more he got it, the more likely he was to ignore it. Plus he liked the sound of concern in Sebastian’s voice. So what if that was a petty reason. 

Sebastian spent the most time on Jim’s lower back, until Jim could feel his muscles fully relax under Sebastian’s hands. He let out a final sigh as Sebastian settled his body squarely on top of Jim’s, just for a moment. He was heavy and warm, and Jim could feel how tired he was - his exhaustion was wafting off of him. He’d be too tired to do anything now but sleep, but he had, in this wrecked state, taken nearly a half hour to tend to Jim’s back - and Jim wasn’t about to forget that. 

Jim tapped Sebastian’s hip with his hand and Sebastian rolled off of him and pulled him close to his chest in one lazy movement. He pressed his face up in the crook of Sebastian’s jaw where he smelled the most Sebastian. Like a freshly chopped down tree, like cheap soap, like the cigarettes he was trying to quit smoking. He hated the smoking, but he considered missing this smell when Sebastian finally stopped a possibility.  

He was trying to relax a bit more about Sebastian. He’d spent months trying to push away his feelings - sixteen months later he was still struggling. Sebastian was the only person who mattered to him. The only person who could calm him down. The only person who could make him come. Jim had never told Sebastian, but he couldn’t imagine ever being with someone else. 

Tender emotions still made him anxious, but it was undoubtable that laying in the grasp of Sebastian’s strong arms kept him from getting out of control of his thoughts. Tucked into Sebastian was where he could hide. Where he was safe.

Okay, it was definitely time for bed. 

“Bastian,” Jim said, nosing at Sebastian’s collarbone. “Time to go to sleep.”

Sebastian didn’t move - his breathing at some point had turned deep and slow. Jim glanced quickly at the alarm clock on the side table. Where the fuck had forty minutes gone? He hated that feeling of knowing he’d been lost in his own head. But that was just one more feeling to push away for the night.

He maneuvered in Sebastian’s arms so his back was flush with Sebastian’s chest, and flipped the blanket over them. There was a lot of work to get done tomorrow, but he spent the last few seconds of his consciousness just enjoying the good bits of his night.

-

Alright Anon, this one is for you - a bit of something from Jim’s perspective. He’s a cold bitch on the outside but a bit of a nervous-nelly-tender-heart on the inside - or at least Sebastian is melting him down a bit. Also, this is a testament to bother me again and I’ll do the thing you asked me to do. Unfortunately this is apparently how I work. For better of for worse, eh?

Also for moriarty-and-moran, who wanted a bit of a cheer-up last night, but I was too woefully tired to make my fingers work my keyboard <3 hope this works a bit. 

The title comes from a Murder by Death song called Lost River. It’s pretty much my favorite song right now. And MBD is my absolute favorite band. Their new album is incredible I’llshuttupnow. 

Sebastian woke tangled in the sheet. He was groggy - in the wrong part of his sleep cycle to be awoken - and habitually flung an arm to his side to make contact with Jim. And missed. Sebastian sighed. Fucking Jim.

He untangled his feet from the twisted sheet and stumbled out of bed, just to get his head straight. Jim was pressed with his back to the wall, a mountain of blankets curled perfectly around his certiantly warm body. Sebastian scowled as he shivered. Blanket hog. 

He climbed back on the bed on his knees and crawled over to Jim, wresting the blankets from his sleeping grip, and pulling him, hands under Jim’s arms, back to the center of the bed. It was almost sweet the way his sleeping body struggled against Sebastian’s grip, consciousness slowly dripping back into him. 

“I will literally murder you, Sebastian, if you don’t stop manhandling me this instant,” he mumbled, threat punctuated with a yawn. Yeah. Sweet. 

He pulled the sheet over Jim and he immediately, in one swift motion, had it wrapped snuggly around his body. Sebastian sighed. “Baby, seriously, give me one second to curl in there with you,” he said, his voice cracking from exhaustion. 

Jim didn’t move. 

Sebastian ripped the sheet back from him, pulled it from where it was tucked into the bottom of the mattress, and threw it on the floor, watching a single shiver run up Jim’s back. It was a satisfying shiver for Sebastian to watch. That arsehole. He can shiver one damn shiver if he’s going to hog the fucking blankets all night. 

He straightened out the comforter over them and quickly wound an arm around Jim’s waist as Jim, without hardly moving at all, wrapped the blankets around both of them into a little cocoon. It was a tricky manoever, getting into that burrito. But damn, Sebastian thought as he buried his nose in Jim’s hair, felt the muscles in Jim’s back relax into his chest, it was worth it. 

—

Well this is the first thing I’ve actually written since I’ve moved. And it felt good to. Um. Feel like I’m at home with my boys, you know? I’m literally insane. 

dontbotheritsporn asked you: SO I had a random headcanon question. If you boys were to break up for some strange reason, what would be the other’s reaction and how would they cope?

Their break up would start with something small - Sebastian leaving his dirty clothes out, Jim answering a text during a meal. The little things that, in and of themselves, don’t justify a fight. 

But maybe it’s been a long day, or a stressful week. And the little thing that usually could be brushed off turns into a tiny internal seed. And over the course of days, weeks, that seed grows. 

And when Jim finally screams that Sebastian and his fucking dirty clothes are no longer welcome in his house, 

Or when Sebastian finally cracks and packs his things up to leave because he’d like to be in a relationship with a human being and not a cell phone, 

It’s only minutes. 

Sebastian barely steps out of his cab in front of the hotel when one of Jim’s hired cars pulls up in the space the cab vacates. 

And Sebastian gets in because no matter how angry or hurt he is, he didn’t want this - this huge hole already ripping itself through his chest. They’ve spent their entire time together realizing that they only have each other. They need each other. 

And there’s almost no moaning or pouting when Sebastian gets home. He only picks Jim up from where he was waiting on the main stairway and presses him into the wall, his body agressive and possessive, but his kisses soft and sweet. 

They don’t need to talk about it; there’s no verbal apology. Just the feeling of their bare skin pressing together as they fall asleep that night. Neither of them are perfect. But those quiet, intense moments are. 

Sebastian knew it had been a bad idea to put a clock in the kitchen. He watched as it ticked its way to half three - and he was still doing dishes. Granted, he’d only been doing them for twenty minutes, but it felt like forever. Especially with Jim just sitting there, watching him. 

Though honestly, Jim wasn’t watching him at all. He was engrossed with his phone, as always. 

The new kitchen was just as awful as the rest of the house. It had an electric stove. That was enough to ruin a kitchen for Sebastian, even without the laminate countertops. But a window had been carved out over the counter to connect the kitchen and the living room with a breakfast bar, which was where Jim now sat. 

Sebastian dried and put away the final plate from dinner, and meandered over to Jim. Of course Jim noticed him, but he paid him no mind. Jim was perched on a stool, elbows up on the counter, phone in hand. He was absently scrolling through something, but Sebastian didn’t notice what. 

He was more interested in the way Jim’s shirt stretched across his shoulder blades with each intake of breath, the way his hair looked so soft at the nape of his neck. He pressed his hands to Jim’s shoulders and smoothed them down his sides, resting on his hips. His fingers felt the dip-dip-dip of his ribs on the way down. Too skinny again. 

“Bastian,” Jim said, his endearment coming out like a sigh. 

“Jimmy,” Sebastian whispered to him, before he let his lips press a kiss behind Jim’s ear. Jim made a tiny content sound in his throat, and Sebastian pressed on. 

His lips slid down Jim’s neck to the collar of Jim’s black t-shirt as he wrapped his arms around Jim’s chest. He let his teeth sink softly into the flesh of Jim’s neck briefly before getting scolded. 

“No marks, Sebastian,” he said, but he tilted his head to the side, inviting. Jim was relaxed. This could be a good night, Sebastian thought. 

His lips kept working on Jim’s neck as his hands ran over his lover’s body. He flattened one palm against Jim’s stomach before moving his hand south, happy to discover that his ministrations were having an effect on him. Sebastian groaned at the sounds Jim was making. 

Jim slid around on his stool, leaving his mobile on the counter. He was just about as tall on the stool as he was standing, and he parted his legs so Sebastian could step closer. He pressed his hands to Sebastian’s waist, feeling the heat of his body through his thin jumper. 

Sebastian smiled as Jim tilted his head up in a request: kiss me. His eyes were closed, his lips just barely parted. Sebastian was being given a thing he usually had to steal. It was Christmas. 

He leaned down over Jim, and brought one hand up to his jaw, just to steady it, just to have a bit of control. He licked his lips before dipping down, catching Jim’s lower lip between his teeth quickly before he pressed their lips together. He’d barely slipped the tip of his tongue into Jim’s mouth when he was being pushed away. Jim was making a face. 

“Ugh, gross,” Jim said, trying in vain to rid his mouth of the taste. “You taste like a caffeinated ashtray.”

“Baby, I haven’t had a cigarette in an hour and a half,” Sebastian whined, frustrated. Things were going so well. 

“Well you need to brush your teeth. God that tastes awful. Drinking coffee while smoking cigarettes should be illegal. In fact, in this house it is illegal.” Sebastian hesitated - if he went upstairs to brush his teeth the moment would be lost. “Well,” Jim said, expectantly. “Go. Brush your teeth. And take a shower while you’re at it, I can smell smoke all over you.”

Sebastian waited expectantly, hoping…

“And I’ll meet you upstairs when you’re done,” Jim said, turning his attention back to his mobile. Sebastian smiled and hurried up the stairs. 

—

Hey babies. It’s been a little while, hasn’t it? I missed you <3 I have about a zillion things on my plate to write. But here’s a little drabble I wrote before I finished DBliss. Hope you like it :]

Trigger warning: Child abuse/domestic violence

Sebastian was glad the night wasn’t too cold. He had a fiver in his pocket, and intended to hit an all night diner for a few hours before he would be able to sneak back into his house. The closest one open was a mile away - he shivered slightly in his hoodie. 

His breath shook as it left him, despite the control he was trying to exact on his lungs. Stop heaving, stop heaving, he thought, his anger turning quickly into himself. He wanted desperately to be able to control his emotions, and hated that he felt everything so much right now.

His hand reached up to touch his cheek and his winced, his fingers coming away sticky and red. He’d had worse - like the time last year when his father had kicked the shit out of him and he broke a rib. Or the time he smashed Sebastian’s head against the hardwood and gave him a concussion. 

He could feel bruises forming on his arm from where his father’s hand had gripped him too tight, but that wasn’t a big issue - he’d wear a long sleeve shirt tomorrow. His face was always a bit harder to explain away. 

He had two weeks until he went back to Eton, and goddamn that day couldn’t come soon enough. Most of the guys in his class were tossers, but there were a few okay kids. And it was far away from home. 

He wiped his bloody fingers off on his jeans and smiled, his breathing evening out as his feet took him further from home. His cheek hurt like a bitch, and he was worried about making too much noise when he snuck back into his room later that night. But tonight he was proud of himself. Tonight, he hit back.

—

I posted an age meme request this week, and got a bunch of responses. I’ll be posting them throughout the next two-ish weeks. (Both Jim and Sebastian.)

Anon: Ooh, tell us about Jim’s anxiety? Or is this a just Sebastian Q&A? (hah no, I’ll talk about that little Irish twat too <3 )

Jim was officially diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) when he was 27, but he’s had it all his life. He’s mostly fine day-to-day, but he’s developed a system to keeping calm and self-soothing (though don’t fucking call it that in front of him).

Things that stress him out:

• Being late/when people are late to something
• Anything unplanned
• When Sebastian leaves dishes in the sink or clothes on the floor
• Public transportation/large crowds 
• Anything that is out of his control

Things that help him stay calm:

• Keeping neat (clothes, hair, flat, etc)
• Walking into a dangerous situation in a suit (he’d have a panic attack if he wore his jeans to a meeting with a client) - the suit is a physical embodiment of calm and control
• Reciting the Fibonacci sequence in his head
• Finding the north star at night
• Running his fingers over the chain of Sebastian’s tags, if he’s in a situation that isn’t public
• Texting Sebastian about something completely inane (and the subsequent reply text)
• And if he’s lucky and Sebastian is around when he’s anxious, a back rub or a cuddle never fails to help